Well... there are flash-backs and flash-forwards.... right.
Since a linear time-line is as interesting as a Notepad file with 3,42,975 words and all of them "boring" (actually that was what i wrote in a fit of intense, all pervasive, liking for Vadodara a few days ago.... )... we shall refrain from the same (linear time-lines not the notepad stuff... c'mon that's a way to defuse dangerous pressures).
So, as soon as our friend Pacificus does his tongue-lolling-drooling-routine, we pan away and then zoom in our narrative on a luscious looking damsel (much better sounding than "babe" and oh so retro!!!) in a figure-enhancing two-piece ...... sari, ending with a very close close-up on her ....
EYES (what... you expected something else?)
Then we zoom out going back in focus points as well as time and we find the future Queen Veracity in exactly the same pose of allure and in fact in the same costume, we do a pan back and instead of our buddy Pacificus, we find a bearded godman all shining with the light of knowledge and the sweat of celibacy and undergoing the same tongue-lolling-drooling-routine.
This is the all powerful sage Eureka Forbes (Forbes for short) and he is full of godly knowledge, divine wisdom and worldly desire for Miss Bootifulbo Dee (the future Queen Veracity)... whom we shall call Tiffy... as her pop (Chief Whuzyurda Dee) calls her.
Well our new (or is it old??) friend Forbes has this highly pure and divine feeling that he must know what he condemns, so before talking of the ills of ... uhh... bodily urges and the mishaps of the soul it causes he must partake of the Forbidden Fruit.
Ok... cut to the chase.... Forbes has it for Tiffy and he is godman and hence in the land of those times he can do everything... which he goes ahead and uses his prerogative (sorry no descriptive commentary...).
Now he is of divine powers and stuff like that.... so instead of the normal gestation of nine months and all the problem of pain.... Tiffy sneezes and out pops a fully grown guy whom Forbes and Tiffy call Islandus Uglie.
Why, you are bound to ask,is he named so?
First name was on the place he was born.
Second name was on the physical appearance.
Islandus is not too happy to be sneezed into existence and after wiping the snot off himself he quite rightly refuses to stay with his Mom (Tiffy was way too pleased about that....) and prepares to go along with Daddy Dearest in search of knowledge, truth and the familial propensity to experiment in ... uhh... the Forbidden Fruit.
But before leaving he addresses his mom thus...
"In time of need of any kind,
To call me thither don't you mind
Willingly shall I come in sooth
Unless occupied by the Forbidden Fruit.
I mayn't be pretty as you ohh mother,
But shall be of use to a posthumous brother."
Uglie had this thing of rhyme that was quite hard to stop. And also he was prescient.
So with this sneak preview of the future, we pan back to Tiffy and do the zoom thing, then zoom out and pan back and this time in the present and on Pacificus who has stopped his tonge-lolling-etc to talk to Chief Dee about getting his daughter's hand (along with the rest of her, I presume) in marriage.
Chief Dee looks thoughtfully at Pac, then at Terribelus and the back at pac and then at Tiffy and then back to Pac...
And then he scratches himself thoughtfully... sighs....
Stands up...
Sits down again...
Then clears his throat.... find something amiss.... takes a glug from the tumbler by his side ....
And says..
King Pac, I have approximately no problem in your proposition. But as you may not be aware I knew a girl who lived nearby who seemed to be quite sure of your being a very wicked man..."
"So... before you indulge in any Gandharva-like activity, would you mind making a solemn promise and signing here on these pre-nuptial papers drawn by my lawyer which says your kingdom and all that stuff belongs to my would-be grandson"
King Pac almost snatches the papers and signs it.
Chief Dee still is hesitant....
"Ok ... fine... well done... and all that"
"But Prince Terribellus seems quite a strapping and war-like lad"
Here Teribelus jumps in to be all virtuous (as he was wont to)
"Uhh... I am game man.... i don't need nothing of the kingdom.... "
Chief Dee: " But what if young man your future kids are less cool about this"
Terribelus: " OK, peace... i won't have any... infact i already am the greatest patron of the artisans who make those latex things"
Chief Dee: " I hear they are effective only 90% of the time"
Terribelus: " Whatt... man this sucks"
Chief Dee: " I know... SO???"
Terribelus: " OK i shan't marry ever"
Chief Dee: "AND....."
Terribelus: " Time out man... that's going tooo far"
Chief Dee: " OK suit yourself... Sorry Pac"
Terribelus: "Pop stop poking me .... ok... ok.... and shall also refrain from .... uhhh.... any potential situation which may cause any inheritance problems"
Chief Dee: " That means...?'
Terribelus: " OK ... i take the vow of celibacy goddamit.... oooops"
Chief Dee: "Cool... Tiffy .... dear daughter.... so long and good riddance.... and by the way Terribelus ... it may interest you to know that you have actually sworn a quite awful vow"
Terribelus: "Hey i just said that..... and we kings are known to break anything worth breaking... i never actually swore goddamit......
ooops.... i did swear..... uhhh.... may i have a swig from that tumble of yours"
Chief Dee: "Sure...."
With this we pan back.... hey waitaminnit... who's that taking notes surreptitiously?
UGLIE....
oh .... did i tell you he had already stopped all that search-for-divine-knowledge, and was a wannabe novelist....
And....
Nothing man... rest shall follow l8r....
1 comments:
Karan-Arjun
Today I'll narrate one incident from Mahabharat. This was told to me by my father when I was very young. I'll try not to impart any emotional touch or get biased while narrating the same. Thus my poetic beauty of prose might just take a back seat here ;-) But the story is so strong that it hides the bland narration.
There was a ferocious fight going on the warfields of Kurukshetra. Between two greatest archers of their time. Karan and Arjun. Though Karan had once beaten Arjun hollow in one archery competition but the wars are different. Here you are not alone. You have a backup...support. So Krishna was Arjun's sarathi. He was riding Arjun's chariot. When Arjun used to shoot arrows at Karan, Karan's chariot used to be thrown away miles behind. Then Karan would cover all those miles and come to fight Arjun again. He would shoot arrow at Arjun and Arjun's chariot would move backwards with a jolt for a few feet. This would make Arjun very proud. At his own strength and skill. But on the contrary Krishna was cheering for Karan. He would clap for him. This made Arjun very angry. He got frustrated.
He said "Krishna, you are my sarathi (chariot rider), you are on my side, and above all, my attack of arrows pushes Karan miles back...whereas he is able to push me just a few feet behind. How and why do you cheer and clap for him?"
Krishna replied "Arjun, you forget something. You are fighitng Karan. But he isn't. He is not pushing you a few feet back. He is pushing Me back. I wonder if I was not here, you would even survive his first blow."
For those who are not aware of this Hindy mythology, Krishna was an incarnation of God. And Karan. The greatest archer who could almost beat God.
Post a Comment